I reviewed this book on Goodreads in May 2012 and just this week had someone respond to it. I enjoyed hearing another perspective and then considering what I agreed and disagreed with. So I thought I’d share my original review, the response I received, and my thoughts that it inspired.
My rating: 1 of 5 stars
I really liked the first book in this series. Thought it was insightful, funny, and emotionally cathartic while being a great teen romance/drama entertaining read. The second book was good. The third had enough redeeming qualities to be ok. Didn’t like the fourth because of the “adult situations” that these teens I had connected with were in and the drama was getting old.
Now there is a fifth. The characters really are adults now, my age, but they are still acting as immature and childish as in the first book. The crisis they are faced with would certainly be a difficult one but wow the drama dragged on and on. just a little communication eventually solved everything and it was hard for me to believe that capable, intelligent, human beings would have taken so long to realize that and then act on it.
Most frustrating was that the same character flaws just keep reappearing to cause all the drama. Supposedly the characters learn so much about themselves in each book. They vow to do better. And then the next book they are making themselves suffer all over again because of the same flaw they supposedly repented of before. Now I admit that my flaws don’t disappear completely after one learning experience. They do rear their ugly heads again, but I believe I handle it better each time and the flaw disappears little by little. Don’t see that in this series. In fact, their responses get worse as it goes on because they get older, the problems are more “adult” but the characters responses stay consistent with 13 year old girls.
And I might add that I don’t write about my constant battle with my flaws and invite people to read it as entertainment. Just too immature for me which i should expect I guess from something that started as a teenage fiction series, but it is frustrating because these are characters that I cared about at one point in time. Totally ruined for me. No respect or care for them after this read. I was interested in reading about the wrap up of their adult lives. If only they could have been portrayed as decent, functioning adults, especially after all the growing I already saw them through in the other books.
Age Recommendation: Well, I wouldn’t really recommend this book in the series to any age, but the first 3 are better and I think girls 12 and older would enjoy them.
Appropriateness: In books 4 and 5 of the series there are “adult” situations that I thought detracted from my liking the characters.
Other Book Recommendations: I obviously recommend a lot of books over this one including the first book in the series, The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. It was my favorite of all of them. If you like that one I recommend Stargirl by Jerry Spinelli, Bridge to Terabithia and Jacob Have I Loved both by Katherine Patterson.
Here is the response I received from Katelyn:
While I see where you are coming from, and know that each person interprets a book differently (which is the beauty of books and our imaginations), have you thought about what drove the women to respond the way they did? I encountered some similar frustrations as I read, but then I remembered the main premise of the book, which is their sisterhood. Their intensely strong and almost unexplainable bond was really all they every knew. When one piece of this bond was suddenly taken from them, their world turned upside down. Tibby may have been the strongest piece of this sisterhood, and it wasn’t until she was gone that they realized it. I think Brashares did a wonderful job of capturing the passion that these women had for each other, and their unbreakable bond, even after one had passed. It’s a beautiful message of true friendship, and how so much of yourself can be found in the ones you love the most.
More of my thoughts:
Thanks for sharing your point of view Katelyn! I definitely can appreciate a message about true friendship. I still have a great bond with several friends from my elementary school days and there is something special about that kind of connection, knowing someone through all the growing up and finding yourself years. That was why I connected with the other books (particulary 1-3) in this series. I could relate to the adventures and dramas of those formative years, of turning to friends for comfort and help, that bond of sisterhood that comes with sharing so much time and experience together.
But in life and in friendships change is necessary. If I still went to my girlfriends at age 31 with all of my problems like I did at age 16 my relationship with my husband and my children would suffer. And while I treasure my friendships, my marriage and children must and should take precedence. It means the same kind of closeness in other friendships is just impossible, but I wouldn’t trade my family relationships for anything. It’s the way it is supposed to be.
It’s always great when my closest girl friends and I do have that rare opportunity to come together from across the country. I love that no matter how much time has passed and no matter the distance between all of us we can still find that comfort and love. We still get each other in a way that no one else can. We have a history and connection that nothing could ever change.
In addition to seeing how so much stays the same between us we also get to see how much changes. We get to celebrate our successes, hear about our different and separate experiences, relate in new ways, and get used to our unique quirks and various lifestyles. Because of our special bond we accept our differences just as easily as our similarities. We communicate and love each other better than we did all those years ago despite interacting with each other so much less, all because we have grown, changed, and matured. That’s what an unbreakable bond looks like.
I just didn’t see that the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants ever got to this level of true friendship. Their friendship actually appeared toxic; this powerful bond they all had was actually destroying their lives because they couldn’t (or wouldn’t) grow up and allow the friendship to grow as well. In addition, as individual they were lost and dysfunctional, still trying to “find” themselves and using the same ineffective methods from the teenage years, and therefore making the same mistakes.
If I had friends with their inability to take communicate or think rationally or have any healthy relationship with anyone, I wouldn’t work very hard to keep the friendship together. There’s too much good to do in the world and too little time to be caught up in all of that drama at 30 years old. That kind of angst was understandable, even entertaining and sometimes enlightening when these characters were teenagers; their behavior was age appropriate then, but in adults I just find it all tiring, especially since I had read it all before in the 3 previous books.
You said, “Their intensely strong and almost unexplainable bond was really all they ever knew.” I did see that in the book and in 30 year old characters I see that as a problem. The bond of friendship from babyhood is great and all, but if that bond is still the glue sticking your life and identity together you probably should see a professional who can help you find happiness and peace within yourself rather than it being based on other people. Our relationships can and should bring us joy, but relying on them for our self-worth and purpose in life will smother and destroy the relationship and won’t bring us the happiness we were seeking. I don’t see true friendship as “how so much of yourself can be found in the ones you love most,” but about how much of yourself you can bring to a friendship and how much of yourself you are willing to sacrifice to build up the ones you love most.